2 posts tagged “dream guy”

I want to be careful to avoid dating for the purpose of filling a void in my life.

I am not going to lie, most of the time I love being single. I love that I don't have to call anyone, that I have no commitments to anyone but myself and I love the time I have to myself. It's a selfish life sometimes but I enjoy it as much as I can.

But there are these moments. These teeny, tiny, pockets of time during which I do wish I could be in a relationship with someone I could love. Who would be, in some sense, right for me. I don't know what that word means anymore. I feel like I don't know what would be right for me anymore. I had all these demands, this list, but that is not how I began any of my previous relationships.

I am tired of dating people who fit the list but are so incredibly wrong for me (which is what happened with the scientist). I am tired of only seeing the superficial things about people (i.e. career, financial status, etc.) and dating them based on these criteria. Fuck that. I want to know who people are before jumping into bed with them. (And before discovering that they are incredibly skilled and more than tolerable as lovers when your only conversation is dirty, and then having to debate breaking up with them because 'the sex is so good!')

All I am saying is that I feel like I am ready to meet someone and date them without falling into bed immediately with them, because all that does is fuck with my thoughts. All I do know is that it sucks to find out people aren't who you thought they were after you've slept with them and shared the most physically intimate parts of yourselves. I'm done with that phase of my life (hopefully). Let's just hope my hormones remember this train of thought after a few drinks in the presence of some incredibly sexy men.

So, I've met this guy. His name is pretty ordinary, but he most definitely is not just ordinary.

I actually met him a few years ago, but I didn't know him, really, until recently, and by recently I mean within the past month at dragon boat practices. He's a recent grad.

Earlier this year, I made myself a mental list of the things I wanted (and still want) in a man. The boy didn't really fulfill many of those things but clearly that didn't stop me from staying with him and trying so hard to make the relationship work (even though a part of me knew I didn't want him in the end). So when we broke up, I became one of those girls who knew what they wanted.

And this guy, with the ordinary name, he is so many of the things on my list. And it's not an easy list to fulfill many items on. It's pretty ambitious, if I do say so myself. And I see 90% of my list in him. Which is huge. Enormous, actually. I have a pretty major liking for this guy.

Except. I haven't seen him in a couple of weeks because my paddling season with that particular team has ended. Also, there is a slight complication in that he graduated this year and will be departing overseas for a two-year master's degree. So there will be no relationship, because I don't believe in long distance unless you are ready to be really serious about someone. Which I am not. And I wouldn't want to be with someone who was that far away, and keep them in a long-distance relationship. I would hate to have to worry about that.

I don't even care that he's leaving or that it means we won't have a relationship because there is no time. I just want to know him. I've never known this kind of feeling before. All I want to do, is know him. Get to know him. At least be good friends with him. I just want to be in his circle.

It's so frustrating, these feelings, because I don't even know if I will get that far with him. Afasoidfnpaodnfpaiehrpawndf! Off I go to bed dreaming of the man of my dreams.