15 posts tagged “school”

I find it difficult to try to explain to my parents the reasons behind my decision not to apply to graduate school next year.

My plan has always been to continue my education after university. In more recent years I planned to do bedside nursing for a year and then take off for graduate studies.

After finishing fourth year, and becoming involved with my local professional organization, I'm not so sure. Long story short, I feel that to pursue further education in the field I am interested in (health policy), and for me to develop meaning and passion in that field, I need to first understand the role of the health care professional. I don't think a year as a nurse in an acute care setting is sufficient.

Tonight when I first broached the subject with my mother, her first reaction was negative. She actually said to me "I don't think it's a good idea. I think you should get all your education done now." I tried to give her my reasons and rationale but instead she simply shook her head and ignored all that I had just said. Following that, she expressed her disappointment that I sounded like I didn't even want her opinion, that I was just telling her about my decision. My father, a few days earlier, was not much more supportive.

I am still reeling that my mother said that to me, and that my father was not supportive of my personal decision. Here I am, 22 years old, and nearly completely independent in my thinking. Even when I have asked my parents advice this year, I have accepted their advice exactly as it is. Advice... mine to take or leave. And if I leave it, I don't feel bad. This is the real essence of advice and suggestions, at least in my humble opinion. They are not final decisions that someone makes for you, they are options that someone may bring up for you.

At this point in my life, it is strange to me that it is no longer earth-shattering when my parents disagree with a decision I make in my life. When I was younger, this would be enough to make me change course, but I'm done doing things in my life strictly to my parents' whim. When I attended convocation on Friday, it was for my parents. Look, here I am, the first person in our family to graduate university.

It has struck me that finishing university and receiving my baccalaureate was something that I started to do partially for them. And so I have come to the point where I am finished making choices for them, to please them. I don't feel remorse for this new way of thinking and I don't think I should. It is my life, not theirs, and I will live it the way I choose to.

And yes, I am moving back in with my parents. I am one of those college kids.

Before and after:

I am exhausted.

I am also frustrated in both my personal and professional life.

Personally, I am annoyed by all the assumptions that people make in life. I acted friendly towards a male friend of mine (the same way I always did), and all of a sudden this became misconstrued for romantic interest and he is now giving me the cold shoulder, I presume in an effort to deter me from my supposed affections. I don't have time for immaturity like this. Get over yourself. I'm just being friendly. I am not interested in romance at this point in my life.

Professionally, I had a rough night at the hospital. I was supposed to be shadowing on labour and delivery last night. I helped with one natural delivery at around 9:30pm. Afterwards I was not allowed into the next delivery because it was so crowded in the room and the birth became a little complicated. The nurse I was shadowing told me to go for break early because I was looking pretty pale and was feeling exhausted. I went to go lie down. She came in at 3am and told me to keep sleeping despite the fact that someone was giving birth. I got sent home early.

I came home and felt pissed off with myself and the whole situation for about an hour and a half. I am still not too happy about the way that went. I am completely turned off by labour and delivery and don't even want to think about working in that sector of the hospital. I don't understand why the nurses there were so unfriendly. I felt useless and ignored the entire time I was there. Fuck.

The older generation of nurses shouldn't complain about being short-staffed when they treat students and potential new workers like shit when they come on the ward. No, I have not nursed for 20+ years the way you have, so no, I don't know my way around your unit and no, I don't know what you normally do here. How am I supposed to learn when none of you are friendly or even make the slightest concession to notice me? Get outta here.

What have you tried in life that you just weren't very good at?

Haha, this could be a whole number of things. Basketball - I'm terrible at basketball. I don't know what it is, I just lack the coordination for it.

The other thing I'm pretty bad at are multiple-choice tests. I'm terrible at taking exams and tests. I just get so nervous. And I don't enjoy learning information that way. I'd rather write essays and apply what I've learned, or learn through experience, than learn by being tested.

I'll have to learn to be good at them though... with my RN exam coming up in June. (Two more weeks of classes, then I'm done with my undergraduate degree!)

I'm also terrible at chemistry. In high school it was by far my worst subject. I'm also not good at maths that don't have a practical application, like calculus. If I don't understand the point of it I won't do well... haha :) I do well at things I enjoy though, and I'm pretty open to trying everything!

I remember being in grade 12 in high school, looking outside and seeing it was gorgeous weather, and being confined to my basement (where my computer was located) to finish a huge biology project on evolution. I became a believer of evolutionist theory that weekend, but I also remember distinctly aching for the school year to be done. The moment when it finally hit me that I was ready to be finished with high school, a feeling that was relatively delayed (relative to the way my peers were feeling).

The same sort of feeling just hit me about university. I think I am ready to be done with my undergraduate career and move on to new things in my life - new challenges and opportunities. I am finishing school in less than 3 weeks. My last few weeks of classes at this institution I've learned to call home for the past 4 years. I can't believe it. I've spent years in educational settings dreaming of the life I would have when I would be done with elementary school, then high school, then university. And now I'm standing on the doorstep.

This feeling is incredibly powerful. I'm looking forward to a busy summer: in April, down south for a week, in June, my RN exam, last regatta as coach for my university crew, and Europe for 6-7 weeks. In August, camping in northern Ontario for 7 days and 6 nights. And in September, working full-time.

I am nothing but thrilled and excited to get out there and live in the real world.

What is your favorite scent or smell and why? 
Submitted by Nebraska Plates.

Fresh lilacs in May... they just smell amazing. And so hopeful for the coming season. And it's right around my birthday and the weather is usually nice and it's just a lovely time of year.

And I also like the way the scientist smells. He wears this cologne that smells crisp and clean and really sexy. I have no idea what it is. But it's nice :) I like.

Things are going well. I'm currently procrastinating. I was so driven to write this essay this morning, and then I got 'distracted' by the scientist in my bed, and then I lost all my motivation. I guess coaches are right when they encourage their players to abstain for the night before the big game.

Off I go to try to write some more paper!

My life is in the middle of academic chaos and I've met someone I can see myself being with and falling for. Oh my god stress.

I love it.

Details to follow!

I'm glad to be going home tomorrow. I miss it and the slow pace of my life while I'm there visiting. I'm plenty excited for Thanksgiving with my friends and family.

I'm glad to be going out tonight to see my friends and have a few beers. I love them. I need a break from stressing out about school. I feel like that's all I ever do lately: stress out. I need some huggage. I hope that somebody hugs me tonight. Hahaha what a random thought.

I'm going crazy with all the tasks and responsibilities I have. Who said fourth year was going to be easy? It most certainly is the most challenging year I've faced here yet.

Good lord.

So yesterday started out as the worst day ever. It was the day I had a paper due and the day I lost my student card (while running for the bus, which I missed - so I walked to school -20mins- and when I handed my paper in I discovered I'd lost my card). And I'd have 0 time to go line up to buy a new one. AND I'd only had 8 hrs of sleep over 2 nights (plus a 12h shift yesterday for my clinical placement).

So, yeah I was grumpy.

THEN I lined up to buy a new card. Right when I got to the desk, the lady asked me for some ID so she could check if somebody had turned it in. This has never worked out well for me so I didn't bother hoping. As usual she got to the end of the pile and turned around to give me back my ID and let me fill out a form to buy a new student card.

But then! The lady next to her says "oh, I have to put this one in the pile of lost cards" and lo and behold! IT'S MY STUDENT CARD!!! It made my day. I'm telling you, I was thrilled and it actually turned my whole day around. After that, my 3.5h seminar class (during which I ran the seminar, yay) flew by, I coached a dragon boat practice that went really, really well (and spotted out some really great athletes that I hope stay with us for the year), and then I went on a date.

A date with a guy really, not a boy, who I've known for a bit. We started flirting back and forth in the summer... he used to paddle for my school. He graduated technically last year but is back for another year to do a thesis and some more courses.

I don't want to jinx it so I'm not going to write about my night. But I'll tell you one thing - I can't stop smiling. That's gotta be a good sign, right? :)

So all I can think about right now is how badly I don't want to be here. I'm studying for my last exam of third year... a course entitled "Canadian Public Policy".

I know nothing about politics and this is an introductory course. Oh yes, I'm doing all the course readings now.
Fantastic, I know.

Okay... going to go bury myself in the 3rd of about 6-7 units I am going to learn really well :(
I need to do relatively well on this exam too, but I'm in that depressed mode where I am just so sick of school and can't wait for it to freakin' end already.

Let's goooooooo!!! END! FINISH! PLEASE!!! Oh Lord I'm terrified of this exam.