13 posts tagged “sex”

So, I met SF through his ex. As in, while they were still dating, and while I was still with the boy, and things were good between all of us. I thoroughly enjoyed their company as a couple. They were great together.

It was funny because the other night somebody asked how we knew each other and he grinned and deflected the question towards me, and I blurted out "dragon boat" because that was how I first met him, when his ex brought him to watch one of our regattas. The person said "oh, cool, I didn't know you did dragon boat", and he goes "I don't." Haha, how awkward, the unanswered question just sort of hung there between all three of us.

Last night after we finished our nighttime 'activities' hehehe, we were lying there laughing about something and all of a sudden his computer made a noise and he looked up and it was his ex messaging him. Haha the most awkward.

But both of these moments were just... normal, nothing weird, nothing to freak out about, because he's super chilled out and I guess I am or can be too :)

I am thoroughly enjoying his company. :( Last night with him tonight before he moves home (1h20mins away from my home)! Boo urns to THAT.

I have been spending time with SF.

And he is amazing in bed and I can't get enough of him, either in bed or just hanging out with him. I hope I am not jinxing things by writing about it in here. But I can't help it.

We did it 4 times yesterday alone. I'm not sure we would have stopped if we hadn't gotten hungry and got up to make food.

He's a lot of fun to hang out with but I will leave it at that. I haven't really thought about where it will go, etc., but haven't really wanted to think about it. I just want to enjoy the moments.

More on this later I suppose? I am packing to leave this university town and move home and I am not looking forward to going through all the crap I have to throw out :(

You know that part, where I said I was going to meet someone, and date them without falling into bed immediately with them?

Wow, that really didn't happen.

I actually just got home. From an amazing time. With an adorable, incredible boy, whom I shall name... SF (see the following story). And the thing about SF is, he makes me laugh my ass off. Last semester we played squash and badminton and actually just spent the entire time laughing. It was actually the most fun I'd had in a while. I didn't see too much of him this semester... the both of us were busy with school and all, but we randomly decided to go drinking last night.

And I went to his house afterwards to play Street Fighter 2 (World Warrior, not Turbo) [..hence the name SF] and I actually beat him a few times (miraculously). We wrestled. It was gloriously fun.

And after things settled down and I got tired, at about 4am, he held my hand and made me laugh. And then cuddled me. And then brought me to his bed. (The noisiest bed known to exist). I just adored the intimacy of it all. I don't really know what is going to happen. My mind raced with questions afterwards (and before, and during) and I don't have any of the answers and I am trying to squash all my questions and fears before they overwhelm me.

Anyway, we are supposed to see a movie later this week when I get back from this big conference I am going to. Oi. Wish a gal luck!

What are you most grateful for in your life right now?
Submitted by Becca-Pink.

I'm grateful most of all for the people who are in my life at the moment. I don't think I've ever been as happy with my life as I am right now and it is because of the people who surround me.

• My family. Who I love. My mom, my dad, my nieces.
• My friends who are like family. The music kids, my BFFs, my nursing BFFs, my roommate, who are the most supportive of me and I can't forget that. I see it in every corner of my life.
  

On a side note. I just started seeing this guy 6 days ago... I want to nickname him the scientist. He is honestly terrific and I've yet to be sketched out by him despite seeing him 6 days in a row and spending the night partying with him. I slept with him this morning. It was the best sex I'd ever had in my life. Never mind that it had been many months since I'd last had sex. It just felt right to do it this morning. Most of the time I spend with him just feels right. I don't know what it is. I don't doubt that I'm supposed to spend time with him when I'm with him.

It's been a fast 6 days and maybe we'll slow it down over the next few months. I'm excited by him and I'm seeing him tomorrow when BFF comes to visit.

On another note I realize it's been quite a while since I've posted here. My fault. My life was chaos but I feel like I've re-energized and got myself back on track now. Hopefully you will be hearing more from me in the near future.

So just when I think my life is drama-free more of it happens. Last week was Halloween. I was Carmen Sandiego. It was a costume that made me feel sexy.

I had made plans to go out with all different groups of social circles so I was pretty happy when we all ended up in the same place, basically a strip in this city where it's all bars and clubs. We decided to go to a pretty upscale place (that is attached to another upscale place, so it's really 2 bars for 1 cover). I was pretty psyched about it because I love drinking while I'm in costume. Halloween has never been so fun as in university when I discovered this wonderful combination. Hah.

Anyway, long story short, I run into Junior - my sexy, rugby playing, rock-solid bodied brief hookup from orientation week. We had finally decided to be just friends over the couple of weeks prior to Halloween. Halloween ended up being the ultimate test of our ability to be just friends - and we failed pretty miserably. I'm not gonna lie, it was one of the hottest moments I've ever had in my life. The sexual chemistry I have with this boy overwhelms even me.

We're going to continue to try to keep it at just friendship; I'm happy with that but still also left feeling like I want more sexy moments from him. I don't think he's right for me though... he's just so young sometimes.

That night also resulted in a drunk message and phone call to the boy. He came over. We talked for a long time - 3 hours of just talking. Catching up, reminiscing, talking about how we feel about our ended relationship. I saw him again last night - we watched a movie together, a movie which we both feel was made for us. Even if we aren't dating anymore and have no intention of dating again. We've both moved on, but I'm confused as to where we stand. I got a lot of closure from him during the conversations we had last week and last night. I feel like I can be friends with him. I'm very confused as to how this is going to happen. How do you turn a failed relationship into a friendship? I've done it before, with others. I'm not quite sure how this will go. Certain things feel so comfortable and then others feel so strange.

I'm confused as to how I feel or want to react to all of these goings-on in my life. But in more exciting news, I'm going to New York City this weekend with my BFF. I'll be there Friday, Saturday and Sunday so there's plenty of time to rehash it with my BFF while shopping and partying til I drop. Hopefully I'll come back with some clarity? Hopefully.

I've come to realize something about myself in terms of what I need if I am going to be involved with someone. And I'm pretty sure I am just saying this because recently I got started thinking about being in a relationship again, and whether or not I really want one again (which I'm still not sure I do. Which is fine... I can wait until somebody I want comes along).

I think in order for me to truly enjoy myself sexually, my partner and I have to have a real emotional connection. I think for me sex is so connected to who I am emotionally that I can't really let go until I have that emotional connection. I find it difficult to describe. It's like without that emotional connection I don't feel safe to let go. God I sound like such a sap. This is almost embarrassing... but whatever. I'm comfortable expressing myself.

During a fling earlier in September with a sexy younger man I remember looking at him and seeing that he was really tentative with connecting with me. And it was weird, because sometimes we would have this full out chemistry and amazing connection, and then at other times it was like he would consciously stop it short... stop it completely. And I remember being with him once and thinking to myself that he wasn't comfortable being emotionally intimate and connecting on an emotional level. It makes me sad to think that he's not comfortable being there. I find more and more that chemistry like what we have is really hard to come across.
As it is we're friends now but I always feel that undercurrent of chemistry between us.

Anyway. Those are my thoughts on sexual 'happenings' right now. I haven't had any for a while... I've been wanting to steer clear of involvement with boys lately just because drama makes me so damn tired. And it's added stress when I have an insane number of things on my plate.

My new philosophy towards men (we'll see how long this one lasts) is just to get to know all the boys I hang out with, be friends (even great friends) with them. And live my life and see what might come along. I think it's a fabulous plan. We'll see how well it goes.

Happy Halloween weekend! I'm super pumped for all the parties this week, it's going to be insane. I love it.

This week I have been realizing how many issues I have with myself, and I have begun to realize that I do not want to be in a relationship, or date people, when even I am not okay with myself. I need to be okay before I get involved. A long chat with O this week (2 different restaurants, 5-6 hours and Second Cup)

Let's be frank. I'm definitely not over the boy yet. He did a lot of damage to me emotionally and it wasn't just the fact that he cheated rather than had the balls to tell me straight up he didn't want to be in a relationship anymore. It was, in addition to that, the way he wore down my self-esteem, telling me that I wasn't good enough, in this way or that way. I'm angry with him, yes, for treating me like that, but more than that, I am angry with myself for having lived with it for so long and just succumbing to whatever he said. I like to think of myself as relatively intelligent and I'm really just pissed that I let him wear down my self-esteem and confidence like that. I have to deal with my anger towards myself.

It's not just that, either. For years, pretty much since the first boy I ever loved and I broke up, I have always chosen to date or be in relationships with boys who I feel (at the time) are a "safe bet". The ones who aren't going to leave me. I think why I do this is obvious. I'm scared of being the one whose heart will be broken. I think the reason I am able to be happy so soon after the boy is because I knew he wasn't right for me from the beginning. I told O this right from the start and he often reminds me that I stayed anyway, knowing he wasn't right for me.

So maybe it's my own fault that this relationship was dragged out and beaten to death before I was willing to give up. BFF says that I would have regretted not giving it my all and it's true. I just wish I had chosen to give it my all for someone who appreciated it and who was right for me at least at some point in time.

Because now, I'm tired. I'm exhausted, in fact. The thought of sharing my life with another person feels like it would be the worst possible idea simply because I had such a bad experience with it. My relationship with the boy was more like me taking care of him full-time and it was the most draining relationship experience I've ever had.

So, at the beginning of summer I proposed staying single until the end of summer. Since then I have had several boy-drama encounters, things that started up and then I decided I didn't want to date anyone, etc., etc. (Though I did end up getting some action, which made me realize that I missed the boy because we were SO good together in bed even if he was a bit on the dull side, and that porn has taught men nothing about what kind of motions women may enjoy in their nether-regions.) My new proposal (more like an addendum to my previous proposal) is that I will aim not to date anyone else for the rest of summer, but only get to know people and meet as many new people as possible.

I feel like this is going to really help me be okay with all my issues. And then when I'm okay, I will think again about dating.

So on Saturday at my regatta, I flirted with a cute boy. We talked in sexual innuendos. As in we talked very graphically about sex without actually using sexual terms. It was hot. By the end of the day I definitely had a thing going for him.

Two nights ago I dreamed that he and I had sex. And in my dream it was beyond fabulous. He was great.

So now, I confess. I would really love to have sex with this boy. He is smart, funny, sexy and adventurous too (from what I gathered from our conversations). But I don't want a relationship with him (or do I?). I pretty much just want to date him. He's leaving at the end of the summer anyway. So it would be fantabulous.

I'm going to flirt with him some more on Saturday. :) Hurrahhhh!!!!

God I am horny. It's funny how that is all I can think about. I go to fitness training, go to paddling practice, basically abuse the shit out of my body (after a night of hard drinking at the baseball game) and all I can think about is... not sleep, but SEX? Come on. I think it's been a little too long.

Okay, so I haven't gotten my period in over 2 months. Big deal right? I went off the pill right after the Boy and I broke up. I hope to God I am not pregnant. I don't want to contemplate having a child right now. I don't know, I don't think I would want it. I also would not want to have that Boy's baby. I'm going to stop capitalizing him. He doesn't deserve capitals.

I'm also getting pretty horny again. I don't know if this is my hormones trying to regulate themselves after the whole going off the pill thing (after having been on it for almost two years... wow), but it's really inconvenient. I spent a large part of my day fantasizing about the great sex I used to have. The boy may have been an asshole but he was, to my limited knowledge and experience, a pretty good lover. And kisser. I'd rank him first on the kissing list.

At the end of our road trip I kind of had a fling with this guy I met 4 days after the boy cheated on me. Let's call him... E. We had been flirtatiously emailing back and forth (I met him through a friend) and our schedules never coincided in Hamilton, so we had resigned ourselves to September when lo and behold, the last stop of our road trip was in his hometown. So he took me and the BFF out to the bar with a huge group of his friends (his going-away party, he is in Guatemala until June, volunteering) and we kind of flung. It was nice.

I hope he doesn't have expectations. But it was great to know that I can still get some if I so desire.

I sound like a snob but I'm not really. It was a mutual thing. I wish that I could have guilt-free sex without a relationship coming first, but I would never be able to do that to myself. I need the relationship, the closeness, in order to be able to be physically intimate with someone. I can't do that side of the whole Sex-and-the-City thing. I can however overanalyze my relationships to a disgusting degree, hah.

I should be in bed. But when I lie in this bed I think about the things I would like to have done to me. Right now. By a gorgeous male who exists purely in my imagination because I can't tolerate a relationship right now. God... it's like my body wants to make this 'summer of singledom' as difficult as possible for me. Oh yes, I've decided to do that. Stay single for the summer. Let's see how it pans out. I've made it through May so far. Hurrah!